Father's Day

Father's Day

    


     I can't tell you my father's birthday, his favorite color, food, saying, or anything personal about him... honestly I just don't know. With that sentence alone, you're probably thinking that I've never known my dad... I haven't. Not that he left my Mom and abandoned us, He just wasn't there mentally. He wasn't crazy, he just didn't speak much, he didn't share how he felt, So he wasn't there Emotionally there either. He sat on his love seat and watched News, and Drag Racing all day. I can count on one thumb the amount of conversations that we had...Sad.
     I used to think that my Father hated me. My theory was, that since the death of his first son, and the unexpected birth of me, he just lost interest. I thought that he didn't want to share with me, or get close to me, because he had recently had his heartbroken by the death of my brother. But I wasn't the only victim, he also shut out my mother, and when I asked her questions, I felt as if she felt the same as I did... Emotionally abandoned.
     My Father did try sometimes to connect me, I must admit. He showed interest in me playing basketball. He expressed how he wanted me to go to the NBA and make him rich. My dad wanted a Corvette his whole life, that's about all I know about the Ol Man. But I failed him, I had no interest in basketball... none at all. I tried to fake it, just to have some kind of bond with my Father. But I couldn't fake it for long. As soon as I got kicked off the team, our relationship went back to the silent cluster that it was before. I gave up trying to get to know my Father, and he gave up trying to share.
     Now I'm not here to bash my Father as if he was such a terrible Father, because we had some special times. He used to take me with him to the Drag Racing track, and I remember vividly the excitement I experienced there. He would cover my young ears when the cars would come screaming by our section. He used to bring my nephew and I hotdogs home during the summer, while my mother was at work. We would be starving in that boring house, but it seems he would always come to our rescue. My father taught me how to sand a car, and gave me my only lesson that I remember him saying. I used to hate sanding cars sometimes, because it would interfere with my busy day of running around the neighborhood and NOT playing basketball, but Ol Dad would make me sand cars with him... Maybe that was him trying to bond with me... but he would always say, "Take pride in everything you do, no matter how much you may hate doing it."
     The first time that I told my Father that I Loved Him, was on his death bed. I can still remember how I felt starring at my dad hooked to that machine and the life draining out of him. I thought about all the things we never did together. He would never see my kids... or see me become a Man... if that ever happened. But I cried that day, just looking at my Father, thinking about all the time we wasted... Two Stubborn Men...
    But Dear Ol Dad... I Love You. I hope you and my brother are looking down on me smiling. Even though I never made it to the NBA, I hope that you are proud of your son... HAPPY FATHER's DAY